I puff up my chest and stick out my snout.
“I’m little monster and I can’t sleep,
With all your bumping and thumping
You sound like a bighorn sheep.”
Kid pokes his big head from around his bed.
His body trembling and his eyes open wide,
“Who, who’s there?’ he asks with a squeak.
Kid’s not so scary with his bunny at his side.
"Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you
But if we are going to be roommates, lets get on thing [clear/straight/or any other suggestion]
No jumping or bumping or big scary noises
I need my sleep 'cause like you I am a growing [monster-neer/ rhymes with straight/or any other suggestion]
So what do you think? How can I fix this section. It's driving me CRAZY!!!!!!
22 comments:
Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you
But if we are going to be roommates, let's get one thing straight
No jumping or bumping or big scary boo
I need my sleep 'cause like you I am at my growing state
OR
Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room
But if we are going to be roommates, let's make things clear
No jumping, or bumping, or big scary boo
I need my sleep, 'cause like you I am a growing fiend
hope that helps
Try here when you need help with finding the right rhyme: http://www.rhymezone.com/
How cute Saba! I had a hard time finding a rhyme for you but here is a helpful website to look for more rhyming words- http://www.rhymezone.com/?loc=bar
Good luck!
It would help a lot if you could post a couple of other verses so we could get an idea of the rhythm and rhyming structure you have created. Right now this reads so much like prose (except for the third line) that it is hard to get a feel for what might work.
Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you
But if we are going to be roommates, lets get DISCUSS A THING OR TWO
No jumping No bumping No big scary noises
WE need OUR sleep 'cause WE'RE YOUNG GROWING BOY'ES
?????????
Good Luck...!
Thank you Diane. I have added the two verses before it so that you and other can get a better feel for the rhythm. :) Thank you for that suggestions!
Thanks Arianne! :D
Thank you Jennifer! :)
Thank you for the link Moonduster! :)
Listen kid, I'll share my room
But let's get one thing clear
No bumping, jumping or scary noise
Or you are out of here!
Just a shot.... :)
LOL! Susanna!! And here I was feeling sorry for little monster! :D
"Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you
But if we are going to be roommates, lets get one thing straight
No jumping or bumping or big scary noises
I need my sleep cause in the morning I cannot be late.
(just thought I would give it a go)..lol.
"Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you,
But if we are going to be roommates, lets get one thing straight.
No jumping or bumping or big scary noises,
I need my sleep 'cause in the morning I don't want to be late.
(thought I would have a go)
Listen Kid, it's okay that you share my room
But if we are going to be roommates, one thing is true
No wetting or jumping or bumping or big scary noises
I need my sleep 'cause I too am growing just like you
Love from the little monster in me.
XOX Karlene
"Listen Kid, I don't mind sharing my room with you
But if we are going to be roommates, lets get one thing straight.
No jumping or bumping or big scary noises
I need my sleep 'cause like you I am growing and I want to be (or you could say do) great!
How fun! I'm totally not a rhymer either so sorry, I can't be of much help.
Yay!! aww thank you Karlene and your little monster too :D <3
By golly I think I am just about there!!!! I LOVE you all I just knew I could count on my writing community to lend me a helping hand :D You guys rock!
LOL! I love the 'Boy'es' :D
Thank you patientdreamer! I really love all the creative suggestions!
Thank you Brenda!!!!! :D
I had fun reading all of the suggestions. I'm better at looking at someone else's rhyme than writing. But, you've already gotten some good advice. Nice to challenge yourself.
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