Practice Writing: Showing vs Telling.

So, I joined this free online writing class where they send you lessons to your email. http://www.creative-writing-now.com The exercise: Harry and his wife Angela (feel free to change the names) visit a new house they're thinking of buying. Angela is enthusiastic about the house, but it's really a terrible place. Harry hates the house but is afraid to say what he really thinks. Show the scene. But... do *not* tell the reader explicitly that the house is terrible. Do *not* say outright that Harry hates it. Do *not* have Harry directly tell his true feelings about the house to his wife. Instead, try to make the reader see and feel what's going on. 10 min exercise. (Names have been changed.)

**************************************************************

Adil and his wife, Hanan pulled up behind the black sedan of their real estate agent, Sarah Gigs. Hanan looked out the window.

“This is it,” she said grinning and bouncing in her seat.

She jumped out the car before Adil turned off the engine. He looked at the house and frowned. The house was smaller than it looked on the picture Sarah showed them and there was a lot to be said about the old, worn-down pathway leading to the porch and the dried up grass and dead shrubbery that littered the front yard. Hanan beamed as Sarah explained the features of the house while unlocking the front door.

“It has four rooms, a living room and dining room. It has a cute nook between the kitchen and foyer. It has a huge backyard that I think you are going to fall in love with and has a Gazebo the last residents built.”

Hanan went from room to room giggling. She always giggled a lot when she got excited.

“Look at this place, it’s amazing. Just think, this will be ours,” she smiled squeezing Adil’s arm.

All Adil could do was crack a smile that was more of a grimace than a smile. He could not believe they were looking at the same house. The rooms were small, damp and had a faint smell of mildew and smoke.

“Oh, a good scrub and nice coat of paint will make this a great office,” she said cheerfully.

The kitchen reminded Adil of a grim scene in a horror movie. The floors and walls were stained; the dishwasher was ancient and the rusted kitchen sink dripped. He could not concentrate on what the “perks” of the house were.

“Follow me,” Sarah sang.

Hanan danced then spun out of the room. Adil waited till she left before rolling his eyes and following her. He joined them onto the terrace or so Sarah called it.

“Eeep, I’ve always wanted a huge backyard,” Hanan clapped. “I love it! What do you think, Adil, isn’t this place a dream?”

“Well, it has, it may, I don’t know. Maybe we should keep…” “We’ll take it,” Hanan squealed.

“Yeah,” Adil said with a sigh, his chest dropping, “we’ll take it.”

The Mat'hool Prophecy

The Mat'hool Prophecy

From the Novel: The Sahabeeyeen

Year Date: 10,000 years ago

Place: Original Changeling Home Planet, Mat’hool

A windstorm raged outside the Sanctuary of the red caves. Red sand clouds swept across the vast desert planet, then slammed against the mountain range. The storm howled savagely, but deep inside the dark red chambers of the sanctuary, a low hum vibrated. The chambers were the result of ancient water streams that once flowed through the mountain as it rose from the ancient seabed. Neither light of day or night penetrated the caves deep in the belly of the mountain, but a luminous glow filtered from a cave, the Cave of Remembrance. The red walls glowed as a central pool of a glowing white liquid rested at the lowest part of the cave. The humming continued, sending ripples through the pool. For a brief moment, the pool trembled, and then it stood still. The liquid slowly rose from the red cave floor and took the form of lonely figure cloaked in a white luminous coat. The figure removed the hood covering his head; he was an elderly Mat’hool, a race of shape shifters. Haddi lifted his head to the ceiling of the cave, and then bowed deeply. “I hear and obey, my Lord,” he said. Haddi ascended the long winding path through the Sanctuary of the red caves.

A desolate and secluded place, Mat’hool monks often sought spiritual enlightenment in the protected caves. He exited the cave. With only the light of the full moon, he made his way home to his people. He walked for days, under the blazing sun and the glowing moon. He finally reached a sand dune that reached over 100 feet. He climbed the dune, when he reached the top; he looked down on a massive lake. A lake that was surrounded by only sand and rock. The lake was not made of water but the same liquid substance of Haddi. He had made it home to his people. He descended the hill. He placed his feet into the pool. Small waves rippled across the surface of the lake.

“I have returned from the Cave of Remembrance. After forty days and forty nights, my Lord has given me a vision, a vision that will test the endurance and belief of our people. He has showed me a race of beings that will come to us in need of help and protection. My Lord has commanded us to guard them even if it means our death and destruction.”

“How will we know them?” his people asked.

“They will come to us being pursued by enemies. They will call themselves Muslims. These Muslims will be the living descendants of an ancient messenger’s closest companions from the planet Earth,“ he answered. “We will help them reclaim their freedom from their enemy and their ancient city, Makah, of planet Earth.”

“We hear and obey,” his people answered in a slow but steady ripple across the massive lake. As the ripple traveled across the lake, Haddi felt a disturbance. He raised his eyes in concern, but as quickly as the disturbance appeared, it vanished beneath the waves of echoes.